you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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