And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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