Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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