My hand turned me down
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize