the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
