please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
