Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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