You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
