My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
