there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
