Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
