yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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