There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
