i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
