someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
