dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was born a porn star she said
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
