if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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