There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
