what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
