The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize