i think my tv is drunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
