finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
