Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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