I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
