I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
