i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
