I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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