i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
