the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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