i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
