Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
