Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
