Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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