Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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