....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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