Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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