I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
