Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
