i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
