my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
