I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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