I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
