I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
