I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
