i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
