so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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