lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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