So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
