Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize