if only i could text you this smell
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
