After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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