someone threw a dead crab at me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
