I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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