the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
