9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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