I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
