i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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