So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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