I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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