We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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