She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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