new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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