Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize