Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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