I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
