Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
