I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize