I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
