Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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