Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
