My brain says no but my pants say off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
