oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
